Dusty Rene': Less is More

Here we are again. I know this is supposed to be a blog about weight loss, and I promise I’ll get to that soon. There is just so much other stuff going on in my life right now, it’s hard to focus.

I’ve never really considered myself a push over. But I do find myself feeling like a doormat every now and then. Okay, more than every now and then. I don’t know if it’s just because I expect the best out of people and keep getting the worst…or maybe I just forgive and forget too easily. Possibly I’m just completely naïve and don’t learn from my past mistakes. Maybe it’s because I’ve been hurt so much in my life, I try my best not to hurt other people (I said try, I know I have hurt some people near and dear to my heart). Regardless, I seem to constantly be picking myself up and dusting off the footprints of the last person I trusted, loved and tried to help.

That being said, here is what I need help with. How do you find that balance between being a b**ch and being a doormat? I seem to have two extremes. I can’t find that happy medium. Or…maybe I have found it and I just beat myself up so much about not doing everything I can for everyone who asks that I think I’m being a b**ch? I don’t know. I’m just really overwhelmed right now and ready for a huge change in my life. I’m moving forward and not going back. Enough of this endless cycle that I keep going through over and over. Change is only effective if you keep it in place. I have to move forward. I am in control of my own happiness, my own success, my own destiny. Can you tell I’m trying to psych myself up?

Don’t get me wrong. I know that God is ultimately in charge. That’s another change I need to make too. So many times I have this big ole “There is nobody here for me, nobody I can depend on” pity party. When I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is always there. Even when I tell myself I don’t deserve it. I want to learn to lean on Him instead of trying to rely on myself. I’ve let myself down too much.

Anyway, I know I’m rambling. For those of you that are still reading, thank you. Today is the second anniversary of my dad’s death. So it’s hard for me. For those of you who don’t know, he was killed in a motorcycle accident. A lady pulled out in front of him, it was her fault and there was nothing he could do to prevent it. He was killed instantly. I’ve heard all the same lines over and over. I’m sorry. He’s in a better place. It will get easier. I appreciate the positive thoughts, and I’ve even said them myself to someone who is grieving. But it’s not okay. I know he’s in a better place, but why can’t he be with me? It WILL NOT get easier. I think about it less now, and sometimes feel guilty about it. But every time I do think about it, that same pain is still there. It doesn’t hurt any less. It doesn’t feel any better. He’s still not here. It’s just as hard to think about, to live with. He was my heart.

I guess that’s enough for now. Sorry to be so long winded, I just have a lot on my mind right now. I better get back to it.

Wait…what’s that? Do you see that laying over there? Is it…no…really? It’s my backbone! I’ve finally found it again! I’ve got a lot of standing up for myself to do, I’ll talk to y’all later!

~Dusty

Hello my loyal readers, it’s been a while. I’m still hanging in there. I weighed in the first week of our Biggest Loser Competition and had lost half a pound. Not what I was hoping for, but its progress, right? So I weighed in the second week and had gained a pound and a half. *sigh* I really think it was just a bad day for me. So, hopefully when I weigh in on Monday I will have made more progress. I am still not exercising like I need to. If I can get my rear in gear in that department, I’m sure things will go better.

In other news, Nacogdoches has a new frozen yogurt place, and its greatness! Most of their flavors are fat free, and they have all those live cultures that are so good for you. It’s called Chilly Fillmore’s, and if you’re ever in Nac you should definitely check it out. They have tons of flavors and even more toppings. Everything from hot fudge to sprinkles to Pop Tarts, Captain Crunch and peanut butter and jelly sandwich squares. Yes, I know. It sounds weird, but it’s totally awesome. That’s my shameless plug for the evening. I can’t wait to take the kiddos there next weekend. They are going to love it!

Other than that, life is still going on like normal. I am still hating this commute back and forth to work. Especially since I have to work so late now. But, at least I have a job, right? It’ll be much better when we move. So send all of your prayers/good thoughts our way and hopefully something will open up sooner rather than later.

Have I told y’all about Rico? He is our Chihuahua and is a complete, totally rotten, 1.5 pound mess. He has turned my husband into a dog lover in the few short weeks we have had him. I’ll tell you more about him in my next post. Until then, keep it chilly!

I’m a little disappointed in myself at this point. I have not exercised at all. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I’m hoping that weighing in on Tuesday for our Biggest Loser Competition will motivate me. Honestly, I’m so tired of typing the words motivate and determined. Let’s not use them any more.

It’s been a rough couple of days at home and at work. I have a 40 mile commute each way and it’s wearing on me. I’ve done this for almost a year now, and you’d think I would be used to it. But by the time I finally get home after my 10+ hours, I’m exhausted. I’m happy to say I still have not had a Dr. Pepper or sweet tea. My husband says he can tell that I’ve lost some already. I have no clue because I haven’t gotten batteries for my scale yet.

Hopefully a move to Nac is right around the corner, so that I will have those 2 hours back, the time I usually spend driving. I don’t know if that will make a difference or not honestly. It’s probably just another excuse that I’ve convinced myself is valid. We’ll see.

One day I will really run out of excuses and will get off my a$$ to make something of myself.

Until next time, keep on truckin’.

Not even a week and I fell off the wagon. But, I’m not too discouraged. I did eat some things that I shouldn’t have today. I did refuse to get out of bed when my hubby tried to get me up to go walk this morning. However, I still have not had sweet tea or Dr. Pepper, or any other sugary beverage. All is not lost.

As I’ve been saying, tomorrow is another day. I’m determined not to be discouraged. So, here’s to shaking it off and moving on.

In other news, my youngest daughter Madison’s softball team is still undefeated. Go Swat! This means I get to spend even more time at even more softball fields smelling even more cheese and chili covered goodness. Not to mention the sno cones that are so great on a hot day. I’ve only had one order of cheese fries (my ball field weakness) this season, and that was before I started my “diet.” I think I’ll probably have to treat myself to just one more before the season is over. That’s much better than my usual 2 or 3 a week, right? J

Blayke had is last 7^th grade band concert tonight. I had to miss it because of work. L I am so proud of him. He’s stuck with band and is doing great. Although the percussion was not my first choice of band instrument for my kids…he is awesome at it. He also played football this year and loved it. I’m looking forward to next football season already.

Mykaela is great too. She is playing softball as well. Her team has only had two practices and is not doing too well in the rankings. I’m super proud of her though. She is hanging in there and still loves playing. I’m hoping that she gets a great team/coach next year so that she can really show off her skills.

Oh yeah, I FINALLY changed my name on my social security card today. Almost 6 months after our wedding I am not officially Mrs. Larry Wade III. Well, I already was, but you know what I mean. I love that man. ❤

Tomorrow I’m walking. I promise. Someone hold me to it, lol. On that note, I’ll say goodnight. I’ve got a wagon to catch!